Change your mindset, change your life

Does anyone remember watching 3D films as a kid? You had to wear those paper glasses with one red lens and one blue. I remember sneaking a peek at the film without the glasses and seeing the distorted images that somehow magically became 3D with something as simple as blue and red lenses.

I have a point don’t worry! Say life is the film. Your mindset is the lens through which you interpret life. How you respond to what happens in your life depends on your mindset. That’s how you make sense of events, thoughts, feelings and all the information in the world around you. Two people can have a conversation and come to very different conclusions because they have different mindsets based on their unique life experiences. One thinks something absolutely can't happen, whilst the other knows it can if you find a way.  One believes you can't change things, you're born with a set of talents and that doesn't change.  The other believes anyone can learn and develop skills as nothing is set in stone.

Our mindsets determine everything from the jobs we have and the amount of money we make to whether we have apple crumble with dinner.

'I can't' vs 'How can I?'

While everyone’s mindset is unique as it’s developed from our personal life experiences, you can categorise the type of mindsets people have. For example, some people have a fixed mindset while others have a growth mindset. A fixed mindset is essentially the belief that you are limited in what you are capable of. A growth mindset is the opposite. You believe you can do anything you set your mind to. When faced with a new challenge, people with a fixed mindset will automatically respond ‘I can’t’ while people with a growth mindset will automatically start thinking ‘How can I?’

I had a client who often downplayed what she was capable of.  I challenged her to count every time she said or thought ‘I can’t’ for a whole day. As she was paying more attention to it, she was surprised at just how much she wrote herself off. It got to dinner time and her husband said he fancied apple crumble. She responded by saying she can't make apple crumble. That was about to be that until she added the incident to her list. She questioned herself. Why can’t I? Guess what - she looked up a recipe and made an epic apple crumble.

How to improve your mindset

When we get stuck in an ‘I can’t’ mindset, we stop ourselves from even trying. We don’t learn, grow or develop. This is your lot. When we move into a ‘How can I?’ mindset, you make it happen. I’m not saying you’ll succeed straight away. Not everyone can make a bake-off worthy apple crumble on the first try. You will figure it out because your brain is looking for ways to make it happen. If you don’t have the knowledge, skills, confidence, connections or whatever else you need now, you’ll develop it. So how exactly do you change your mindset to change your life?

Identify your mindset

Start by recognising your mindset. In what situations do you respond with ‘I can’t’ and when you do have a ‘How can I?’ mindset? It could vary depending on the area of your life or the goal. You could do an exercise like my apple-crumble-making client and count your can’ts. When you know what’s going on, you can work with it.  

Understand where it has come from

Our mindsets aren’t random. We learn how to think, feel and respond to situations throughout our lives, particularly in childhood. Think back to where the beliefs about what you can and can’t do originated from. What people tell us and teach us leaves an impact. You can change your beliefs and let go of what they taught you about yourself.

Start small and build up

Changing your mindset isn’t an overnight transformation. You don’t go to bed one night believing your dreams are impossible and wake up in the morning with 100% confidence nothing can stop you. Moving up the scale from ‘I can’t’ to ‘How can I?’ is usually more gradual. It helps to tackle smaller challenges first. It builds your confidence and is like proof that you are capable of more. List out all the things you think you can’t do but want to do, order them from smallest to biggest and climb the ladder. 

Working on your mindset is one of the most important things you can do. Like I explained at the beginning with my very timely analogy about 3D movies, our mindset determines how we live our lives. Do we see setbacks as proof we can’t or information for how to succeed? We’re working on our mindsets in the Journal Vibe Club in October. 

I’ve put together daily journal prompts to help you define and grow your mindset. You’ll have focused time to journal on and discuss your mindset in the guided workshop. Share your findings and feel inspired and encouraged by others in the private Facebook group. What you can do is up to you. Join the club to start making the changes you want to see in your life.